When I was 19, I was dating a guy who remarked to me one day that every time he'd seen my dad, he was never wearing a shirt. Now, though I know my dad wasn't always shirtless, I did know he had a tendency to bare his torso. In fact, he even had this little half-shirt he cut by hand himself, mostly to annoy my mother.
I was intrigued by this perception, so for Christmas, I decided to make this guy a greeting card featuring me and my shirtless father.
We had so much fun with this photo, we decided to make him a whole storybook filled with the magical Christmas adventures of me and my Shirtless Santa-Dad. We did everything: baked cookies, went caroling, wrapped presents. He even stuffed my stocking with a wine cooler while I slept, as visions of Bartles & Jaymes danced in my head.
We had somehow roped my mother into taking these photos for us, and the event spanned our entire evening. We even decided to close out the shoot with a New Year's Eve party. This is when my mother said she'd had enough. Apparently, she began to feel creepy being a part of what we were doing, especially when my New Year's partying ended up in a minor upskirt shot. She called us sick, and pulled out of our silly little scheme, but not before I had a serious collection of Shirtless Santa Adventures.
I have all of these photos somewhere, printed on real paper like they did back in the day. Honestly, it's still one of my favorite presents I have ever made a suitor. And I've made some seriously absurd things for those I care about.
So please, don't think for one second that I don't know how to show love fully and appropriately.
In Case You Were Wondering . . .
Sometimes Ronnie D writes funny stuff. Sometimes she writes desperate teenage prose. Most times she just slams her feeble, little woman-hand onto the keyboard in an attempt to feel something, anything.