Limited Edition, Handmade Valentine's Day Cards Available NOW!

If you're like me, you find that traditional Valentine's Day cards don't really touch upon your relationship trends.

Well, have no fear!

​Because I've created a line of cards featuring romantic sentiments that may hit a bit closer to home. 

I'll be out at the open mics all week hustlin' these. Each one is made by my fidgety little hands on paper Corporate America threw away and comes with its own hand-decorated envelope. Made with love, stray cat hair, and the energy of not just any woman scorned -- but Ronnie D scorned.

I'm asking a buck or two for each, but if you can't afford that (which, honestly, I think you can -- I see that beer in one hand and that cigarette in the other), I'm down to trade a story of a mother fucker who did you wrong. Who knows, I may even provide the stamp depending on the shit they pulled on you.

Oh, and there will be more than these. I'm still crafting; this is just my first edition.

And yes, I understand these photos aren't the best, but I quickly took them in my bathroom this morning before I had my morning coffee. Come see them in real life. Hold them in your hands. Feel better about yourself because you go to the gym or use Rosetta Stone instead of using junk mail, glue sticks, and markers to deal with your emotions.

The Fuck Boat
(Yes, sung like the theme from The Love Boat.)

Drowning in the wake of their emotional chaos?

Spoiler Alert

This is also a very touching holiday movie that I will be pitching to the Hallmark Channel.

TWOmbstone

I mean, why the fuck not?

This Kiss, This Kiss!

So chemical . . .

Free (Dead) Bird

Perfect for when you're trying to let them know that -- eventually -- you're going to need your space.

Down in the Dumps

I mean, they usually don't know what they're doing anyways, and if they actually do do something good, they typically come up and say something stupid to ruin it before they even wipe their mouth. Something like, "A witch taught me that."

​So, in retrospect, maybe the lack of reciprocation isn't such a bad thing.

EXCLUSIVE: Dead Ex Mix CD Creation!
Complete with Certificate of Authenticity

When they can't buy you love, or anything for that matter, because their money is your money. They've stolen your money. Again. In such weird fucking ways . . .

EXCLUSIVE: This card was created during the horrible Facebook post I made below. 

​​I don't want you to think I wasn't telling the truth, so this card includes an official Certificate of Authenticity written on the back of a Comedy at the Quail flyer. 

MANTRA: Women's Work

Repeat after me . . . 

Did You Fuck My Man?

Then come see me. This card is free of charge. 

Comedienne's Lament

This is currently my personal favorite. I may have to keep this one for myself. 

#ValentinesDay
#love
#romance