I'm Supposed to Be Promoting for TONIGHT, but I'm Distracted

I'm currently at the vegan restaurant using their wi-fi, so I can promote the two shows I have TONIGHT, but I'm sitting next to a table full of men. Hard-working, manual-labor, solar-industry men. And they're talking about how they know they smell, like they're worried about it.

But I'm not worried about it.

I'm not worried about it at all.

Smell away, hard-working, manual-labor, solar-industry men. I love that smell: Man skin in the sun. 

*breathes in deeply*

And to think I was upset when they pulled their van into MY shady spot seconds before I did. Of course, when one got out and immediately took his shirt off to change into another shirt, I let it slide. Just like his pants were sliding down his right hip . . .

Wait, wait, hard-working, manual-labor, solar-industry men. Shhh shhh shhh. Don't talk politics right now. Don't ruin this for Mama. Just keep talking about vegan food. Yeah, mmmm, let me have a bite of that spring roll . . .

OH SHIT, WAIT!!!

I'm supposed to be telling you about the shows I'm doing tonight.

Sorry!

​Here . . .

Will I be telling jokes? Yes.

Will I be eating vegan hot wings? Most likely.

Will I be playing air Tetris with my Tetris Tots while singing the theme song, then suddenly making the song sexier and having the tots get busy, get real sexy, like a Russian potato porn named Make It Fitski? Da.

The Grid: Games and Growlers
525 S Gilbert Rd
​Mesa, AZ 85204

Come be our comedy puppet masters!! You text in the topics, we'll make up the jokes right there. 

Crescent Ballroom 
308 N 2nd Ave
​Phoenix, AZ 85003

You don't even have to shower before you come out tonight if you don't want to. If you work in a cubicle though, could you just go outside in the sun and lift some things aggressively -- maybe some bricks, or the trash -- before you head out though? And then, come say hi and let me smell you. Please.