8/17/2016 If You Put Your Mind to It. . .ME: Shhhh! I'm trying to communicate telepathically with my lost love.
THE VOICE IN MY HEAD: Does he know how fat your arms have gotten? ME: STOP! Seriously. . . what if he hears you? THE VOICE IN MY HEAD: So, what? You're just not gonna tell him. Sounds like that's not the best way to reconnect. ME: I just don't think that's the most important thing to tell him right now. THE VOICE IN MY HEAD: Oh, I see, you're not gonna be honest. Maybe you HAVEN'T grown up. ME: No, it's not that, it's just that. . . MY LOST LOVE: Oh hey, Ronnie. Wow! It's been such a long time. You look like you're well. . . fed. ME: Yeah, I guess I'm not starving anymore. THE VOICE IN MY HEAD: You can say that again. ME: SHUT UP! MY LOST LOVE: Good one! ME: Wait, hold up, guys. That's not cool. Sure, I've put on some pounds, but that's a good thing. Remember, I was LITERALLY starving. MY LOST LOVE: Sure, but you were hot. THE VOICE IN MY HEAD: Well, like her body was hot cause she was so thin, but her face. . . that's kinda always looked like a cockroach. MY LOST LOVE: Oh my god, you nailed it right on the head! Her face DOES look like a cockroach!! THE VOICE IN MY HEAD: Like a buxom cockroach now. MY LOST LOVE: Oooooh, looks like someone came out after the lights went out and got into the grains and the cat food. THE VOICE IN MY HEAD: Ohhh shit, look at that cockroach! Its arms are so fat it can't even get back down the drain. Guess it'll just have to eat some more. MY LOST LOVE: Oh, man, that's fucking hilarious. . . Hey, what do you say we go down to the bar and check out the talent. ASU's back in session, and you know that like 95% of those chicks do blow. THE VOICE IN MY HEAD: Oh shit, you know what that means -- blow equals bones, bro! MY LOST LOVE: Awww fuck yeah, ain't nothin hotter than a young, bony broad! THE VOICE IN MY HEAD: Hell yeah, I love me some bones! MY LOST LOVE: Bone, bone, bone, bohhhhn. THE VOICE IN MY HEAD: Nice. MY LOST LOVE: Bones! THE VOICE IN MY HEAD: Bones! MY LOST LOVE: BONES!! THE VOICE IN MY HEAD: BONES!! MY LOST LOVE: BONES!!! THE VOICE IN MY HEAD: BONES!!! MY LOST LOVE: BONES!!!! THE VOICE IN MY HEAD: BONES!!!! MY LOST LOVE: BONES!!!!! THE VOICE IN MY HEAD: BONES!!!!! *door slams* ME: Hello? Hey guys. . . Hello??? Comments are closed.
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In Case You Were Wondering . . .Sometimes Ronnie D writes funny stuff. Sometimes she writes desperate teenage prose. Most times she just slams her feeble, little woman-hand onto the keyboard in an attempt to feel something, anything. Archives
October 2019
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