Are You There Internet? It's Me, Ronnie D.

I used to really enjoy being on the world wide web. MySpace was totally my jam. Don't hate; you know you loved it too. None of this modern social media bullshit even compares. Facebook won't let you pick a profile song from some obscure Polish band that truly defines your impermanent emotional state, or not-so-inconspicuously-but-under-the-guise-of-being-inconspicuous post a headline jab at a complete stranger who is six years your junior and more than likely banging your long-distance boyfriend. Sooner or later, we're going to have to face the fact that the internet doesn't allows us to truly connect like that anymore. Sure, it might feel real being "friends" with Charmin bath tissue or your mom on Facebook, but deep down inside, we all know there's no real substance to those relationships. And having to use our real names? Are you kidding me?? How am I supposed to compete in the lucrative business of internet spam porn if I have to use my real name? Seriously, it's like we're living in an Orwellian novel nowadays. 

Nevertheless, I've decided to give it another shot. Why? Well, because there's really nothing else to do. I mean, I suppose I could work on becoming a better person, or volunteering to assist the less fortunate, or learning another language or something, but since there's no like buttons in the real world, there's really no point.

It's been over five years since I've been on the internet.

So what have I been doing?

Tokyo drifting, mostly. And then there was that brief stint I spent as a Furry, but I don't really like to talk about that . . .

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