Ronnie D
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YOUR CART

12/27/2018

How Do You Take Your Coffee, Ronnie D?

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Alone.

In the park.

​Pretending random men are shouting words of encouragement to me instead of their sons.

12/26/2018

Coping Mechanism #696

When faced with having to do a lot of stuff and make a lot of decisions in a very short amount of time, instead of doing any of that, dance as if you're a GIGANTIC, robotic, fire-breathing dinosaur for at least an hour before you get into the shower.* It helps if you're wearing a green sweater. It really helps if you fell asleep in a green sweater the night before.

Oh, shit. Wait. . . Wait. . .

I'm an alligator now.

Oooh. . .
*Obviously, don't have the water running; that's just wasteful.

12/25/2018

My Dad Got Me a New Xmas Sweater

I even jingle. It's driving the cat ABSOLUTELY crazy. Imagine what it'll do to the men.
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12/25/2018

December 25th, 2018

12/23/2018

I Don't Know What It Is About This Cycle

But all the men wanna get their hands on #LADYMOOD 11.

12/21/2018

Don't Ask Her Where She Got Those Panties

Or you're going to need therapy.
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12/19/2018

So Uhh, I Woke Up to this Text Yesterday

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My whole life flashed before my eyes until I remembered we had plans to go to Flagstaff together. This was his way of saying he was leaving his house -- pulling out of his driveway. 

Wooh!

That shit can catch you off guard though if it shakes you from slumber. 

He's got a bunch of things he says like that. For instance, he calls hummingbirds "hummers." He likes to muse about all the hummers he gets in the backyard. Or how he just doesn't get as many hummers as he used to.

And don't even get me started on my Mom and how she used to use the word "vibrator."

Oh god.

​Or "thongs."

12/19/2018

Confidential to Comedian [Your Name Here]

"We're all sorry you're having personal problems, but an endless airing of them does not constitute nightclub entertainment, sorry."
-- Herb Caen
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Pressed and Preserved Memory: somewhere in the Bay, late summer 2012

12/13/2018

LADY MOOD 11: The Final Cycle of 2018!

I know it's late, and I'm off the rag now, but A LOT happened this year.

​I wanted 2018's last #LADYMOOD to be motivational. Inspirational. A testament to everything I've become.

​And so. . .
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12/2/2018

That Little Jabba Baby Is Me!

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My mom loved this photo, so I put it on a mug for her in the 90s. Too bad the quality's so poor; you're missing the adorable drool spilling from the side of my suffocating infant mouth. Apparently, my mom told my brother to hold me up. So he did.

    In Case You Were Wondering . . . 

    Sometimes Ronnie D writes funny stuff. Sometimes she writes desperate teenage prose. Most times she just slams her feeble, little woman-hand onto the keyboard in an attempt to feel something, anything. 

    Go ahead and read it. What else are you gonna do anyways? Work? 
    Please.

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