Alone.

In the park.

​Pretending random men are shouting words of encouragement to me instead of their sons.

When faced with having to do a lot of stuff and make a lot of decisions in a very short amount of time, instead of doing any of that, dance as if you're a GIGANTIC, robotic, fire-breathing dinosaur for at least an hour before you get into the shower.* It helps if you're wearing a green sweater. It really helps if you fell asleep in a green sweater the night before.

Oh, shit. Wait. . . Wait. . .

I'm an alligator now.

Oooh. . .

*Obviously, don't have the water running; that's just wasteful.

I even jingle. It's driving the cat ABSOLUTELY crazy. Imagine what it'll do to the men.

But all the men wanna get their hands on #LADYMOOD 11.

Or you're going to need therapy.

My whole life flashed before my eyes until I remembered we had plans to go to Flagstaff together. This was his way of saying he was leaving his house -- pulling out of his driveway. 

Wooh!

That shit can catch you off guard though if it shakes you from slumber. 

He's got a bunch of things he says like that. For instance, he calls hummingbirds "hummers." He likes to muse about all the hummers he gets in the backyard. Or how he just doesn't get as many hummers as he used to.

And don't even get me started on my Mom and how she used to use the word "vibrator."

Oh god.

​Or "thongs."

"We're all sorry you're having personal problems, but an endless airing of them does not constitute nightclub entertainment, sorry."
-- Herb Caen

I know it's late, and I'm off the rag now, but A LOT happened this year.

​I wanted 2018's last #LADYMOOD to be motivational. Inspirational. A testament to everything I've become.

​And so. . .

My mom loved this photo, so I put it on a mug for her in the 90s. Too bad the quality's so poor; you're missing the adorable drool spilling from the side of my suffocating infant mouth. Apparently, my mom told my brother to hold me up. So he did.