Is Ronnie D crying in the middle of a Panera right now? 

​Absolutely.

#TuesdayThoughts

I always end up fucking up Thanksgiving, my mother's favorite holiday. Like that one time I was arrested in an undercover drug bust. Or the time I tried to jump from my parents' Hyundai going 80 mph on the I-5. Oh yes, and then there was 2012 . . . My No Good at November pièce de résistance. 

How will I fuck up the holiday this year?

Well, if i keep sitting in this sunny cafe window slamming coffee while The Smiths "There Is a Light that Never Goes Out" and "Please, Please, Please Let Me Get What I Want This Time" play overhead in succession and stir the sadness in what is left of my brutally decimated heart, I am pretty sure I will have an agitated episode on the Lightrail headed home. It wouldn't feel like the holidays without it, really.

Come hear about it!*

*Ronnie D reserves the right to change set contents without notice. Why would she do this? Maybe she's got something more important to say. Maybe she simply forgot. Maybe she's just a horrible, uncaring, selfish bitch. Yeah, that's probably it.

#Thanksgiving
#ThanksgivingWeek
#November
#depression
#SeasonalDepression
​#MondayMotivation

Hey, remember that time we did the Snark Show at Monkey Pants, but they had the regular room closed, so we had to do it on the bar side while everyone at the bar was pissed at us because they were just there to get drunk and watch Shark Week?

Yeah . . .

That was fucking fun!

#ThrowbackThursday
#TBT

Yes, that is correct. After tonight, there will no longer be comedy at Monkey Pants on Thursday nights.

(I'll give you a moment to catch your breath and stop yelling at random strangers within 10 feet who do not deserve your projected rage.)

But oh my god, look at this lineup!! All these assholes in one place at one time; it's ridiculous. Come say goodbye to my favorite show. 

I know. I know. I've been a little hard to find lately, but I've been in serious vacation mode. Me and nachos? BFFs all day, every day. Literally. There was one day where I woke up, ate nachos for breakfast, then again for lunch, and thought, why the fuck not, let's finish this day out strong with more nachos for dinner. Now, before you judge me too harshly, you should also know that I punctuated these dietary choices with a dessert of raw cookie dough each and every time.

So as you can tell, I've been far too busy truly living to be on the internet during this period of me-time. 

But I'm back now! Or at least, as back as I can ever be. 

Early November shows are posted here!

So come on out and watch a show.

​Or stare off into the distance completely ignoring us all as we flail clumsily through our existence alone, yet together.