I'll be in the cool, air-conditioned Erotic World Tent with revelers and talented performers celebrating life. Come catch some early bird comedy, and then let's go hit the dance pavilion and groove until they tell us we have to leave the premises. . . or we get heat stroke.

Get your tickets for Pride here!
Pride festivities happen in beautiful Indian Steele Park on both Saturday, April 1 and Sunday, April 2 from 12–9pm.

And don't forget to support the FREE Pride Parade on Sunday at 10am, heading down 3rd St from Thomas to Indian School.
​
Indian Steel Park
300 E Indian School Rd
​Phoenix, AZ 85012

​#PHXPride

#WednesdayWisdom

Come to Crescent Ballroom tonight as we run down this past week to see whose week sucked the most. Hint: I've started collecting grocery store Monopoly game pieces, so that's where I'm at. 

Look at this sweet, little synonym for "create" that I found! 

Please note that its counterpart is surprisingly* absent from the list.

*Really, this isn't that surprising, even though it's totally surprising. 

​#WomensHistoryMonth

I need to do something about these flabby arms before summer officially hits. Anyone got a meat slicer?

#mondaymotivation
​#summer

New shows posted here! 

I've got a weekly news gig, a naughty show in the Erotic World Tent at Phoenix Pride, an 80s celebrity gameshow spoof, and a comedy and punk mix coming up!

Of course, I'll also be around town talking to whomever will listen, so don't worry, this isn't all there is. 

I realize that my posts lately have had a lot to do with mortality. Sorry about that.

You know what, I'm gonna go ahead and counteract that by focusing on the opposite. Yeah . . . I'm gonna focus on the dawn of life. In fact, I'm gonna focus on having a baby! Yes, a shiny, new, life-filled baby!!!

Who wants to impregnate me? 

Anyone?

Anyone?

I'll wait . . .

In the meantime, I'll share this little fun fact with you: Sperm can live inside the human body for up to 5 days. Then after that, IT DIES.

​
#firstdayofspring

So where have I been? I've been home sick for days like a little baby, trying to convince the cats to make me some soup or get me a Tsoynami or rub my feet or get off the couch and put on a movie when I got tired of watching Little House on the Prairie reruns. It was all in vain though because, apparently, they're just a couple of little feline freeloaders. 

I missed you.

Did you miss me?

Did you think about me as much as I thought about you? I thought about you all the time. I thought about you when I was drinking my tea. And when I was watching Little House on the Prairie, and Ma and Pa took a holiday away from the girls. And when I blew my nose and saw blood. I started thinking maybe we should take a few days off and head out to the coast, just like Ma and Pa did. Doesn't that sound fun? Oh my god, that sounds like so much fun! I'm so excited!! We could even leave tomorrow . . . 

Wait.

Shit.

I have a show tomorrow night, so I can't. Oh well . . . maybe another time, hey?

Featuring Anwar Newton and Michael Turner, with Yours Truly, Jessie Johnson, Forbes Shannon, Derek McFarland, EJ Nonstop, and Luis Alvarez.

Crescent Ballroom: 308 N 2nd Ave, Phoenix, AZ 85003

#FakeNews
​#WednesdayWisdom

Good to know that with everything currently going on in our world, Jason Chaffetz is retweeting IHOP pancake promos.

#Jason Chaffetz
#NationalPancakeDay