From the theoretically still fertile woman who brought you PLOP! -- a much more emotional and meaningful menstrual publication -- comes LADY MOOD: A Mini Menstrual Memoir filled with stunted emotions, half-truths, and shitty folding.
I'll be dropping these this week like I just dropped that unfertilized egg on the bathroom floor.
"Sorry I missed your toilet, Bro. But you can wipe that up for me like I do your piss, right?"
29 COPY LIMITED EDITION: The typical max days in my cycle. Unless, of course, I'm too thin to menstruate. Then, ya know . . . it's just whenever there's enough of me around to bleed again.
But Street Sets was back in action last night.
Uh-oh . . . looks like there was an impersonator in the house last night at This Week Sucks, Tonight!
I just made an appointment for a massage with a MALE therapist.
Nothing could possibly go wrong with this, could it?
(Oh, you think you know how to relieve my stress, do you?? You can make me feel all better, huh? Mother Fucker, I JUST met you. What makes you think I can't rub this kink out of my shoulder myself? I don't need a man to help me. Look! Look!! I'm doing it on my own cause I'm an independent bitch. That's right. I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T, do you know what that means, mane? It means this WOMAN -- not a girl -- this WOMAN -- is gonna walk out this door and live her life the way SHE wants to. I don't need you telling me I'm not pretty enough or young enough or I shouldn't move to the Czech Republic. Please, dick. I'll be living it up on the Vltava, looking forward to my Christmas Carp. Of course, I'm not gonna eat it! I don't eat meat. You would already know that about me if you EVER took the time to get to know me beyond JUST MY BODY . . . You know what? FUCK THIS!! I'm outta here. I don't need your lying, cheating, stealing ass thinking I need you. Cause I don't. NASHLEDANOU, you piece of shit!!!
*wraps blanket messily around body and storms out of massage room with purse and clothes in hand, tripping at least three times before finally slamming the door*)
You don't want to miss this special event: Short film and live performance mixed in one fantastic night!!
With John Henry, Dan Johnson, Nick Giasullo, Marcelino Crossman, Rob Maebe, Brian Kearley, Ricky Brindley, John Connell, and yours truly.
Get there early because seats WILL fill up fast!
In Case You Were Wondering . . .
Sometimes Ronnie D writes funny stuff. Sometimes she writes desperate teenage prose. Most times she just slams her feeble, little woman-hand onto the keyboard in an attempt to feel something, anything.